Jack: The Lovable Allergen

I've had nasal congestion for as long as I can remember. It's just one of those facts that you assume is an unalterable truth, like the fact that people will always add an 'a' or an 'r' to your last name when trying to pronounce it. I used to think I had a cold, 12 months of the year. I find it odd that people don't have boxes of tissue in every room of their houses. But mostly I didn't think about it, because there was no point.

I didn't think about it much until last year. I had started getting a wheeze whenever doing strenuous activities like shoveling snow. I attributed it to the cold weather, but the problem didn't dissipate by spring so I went to my doctor about it. It was at this time I decided to ask about the congestion problem too, as I figured I shouldn't waste a good trip to the doctor. After my appointment I had an inhaler for exercise, an appointment with a nose/ear/throat specialist, and a spot on a waiting list to get on an even more exclusive waiting list to see an allergist.

The inhaler works miracles. I take it before playing sports and I can breathe normally. If I didn't have it, I suspect I would have had to give up such activities, so I'm thankful to modern science.

The specialist had me in for septoplastic surgery within 6 weeks to correct a deviated septum that could be causing my congestion. I was anesthetized for the surgery, which I was told was a success. The post-op was very uncomfortable (apparently I'm a bleeder), and the recovery was just plain awful. My nasal passages were plugged to stop the bleeding, so I had to breathe through my mouth for 2 weeks. Breathe through your mouth for 1 minute and see how dry your mouth gets; now imagine how dry it gets after doing that all night. Rigging a humidifier with some duct work to redirect the moisture at my face didn't work, and neither did sleeping in the bathtub after getting the bathroom extremely humid. The unfortunate result was that I had so many mouth sores I couldn't eat anything that required chewing. As I mentioned, it was a miserable recovery.

The worst part of the experience was the end result: I was no less congested than previously, and possibly even worse off. It was very disheartening.

Okay, so that's the history.

Today, over 1 year later, I finally saw the allergist. I told him about my results with the deviated septum surgery. He told me I should have come seen him first. I restrained myself from attacking him. Actually, let me step back a moment.

For those who have never had an allergy test, here's what they do:

1) Clean the inside of your arms with some sort of alcoholic solution
2) Write a few numbers on your freshly-cleaned arms
3) Take what appears to be a souped-up bingo dabber, dipped in another liquid, and dab your arms beside each of the numbers
4) Find something pointy and jab your arm in each of the little drops of liquid

They then leave you alone for 10 minutes with instructions not to scratch. Of course, the only distraction in the room is a couple of out-dated magazines, and some large medical posters on the wall. If you're going in for one of these tests, make sure to bring a book or a video game.

The allergist finally came to inspect the damage, and immediately pointed at the angry red splotch on my left arm. That, he informed me, was cats. He pointed to a relatively insignificant splotch on my right arm: maybe I was allergic to mold too... but cats were definitely my problem.

Now, the best defense against an allergen is to eliminate it from your environment. He gave me a pamphlet explaining this. I can see how that tactic works well for things like dust mites and maybe even pollen, but Jack isn't exactly easy to move -- there's a lot of inertia there. Of course, I didn't even consider that option, so we went to plan B, which is a nasal spray to help with the congestion.

We then did two respiratory tests to check for asthma. The first test - the standard one - came back negative, just as it had the previous year. But the second and less widely-accepted (nitric oxide) test came back resoundingly positive. And I'm relieved because finally I have an explanation for my wheezing/breathing problems. The asthma too, he suspects is aggravated by (if not caused by) Jack. But I've got a prescription for another inhaler that should eliminate my wheezing.

The allergist seemed genuinely positive that my symptoms would disappear within a few months, and that has me excited. In retrospect, I've had cats for most of my life, so it's empowering to know how much I've been affected by them. Even if the inhaler/nasal spray combo doesn't work, there is one more chance in the form of allergy shots; however, that is a big commitment that I'm hoping to avoid.

I don't plan on eliminating cats from my life, so I'm optimistic that the solution is at hand. But, tonight I'll probably start insisting that Jack sleep at the foot of the bed, instead of beside my chest. Wish me luck.

Ugh

Let me paint you a picture: imagine taking Q-tips, and wrapping them in gauze or cotton balls... and then shoving them as far up your nose as possible, and then some. Spray them with water so that they expand to fill your nose (which is now twice the size it used to be), and for good measure, stick a straw up one of your nostrils too. Oh, and then wrap some gauze around your head so it keeps a good steady pressure on the stuff in your nose. That would be a pretty good simulation of my life right now.

I suppose it's time for a recap. My surgery was scheduled for Monday at 10:30am at St. Mary's Hospital. We needed to be there at 7:30am for registration, so you can imagine that neither Carolyn or I were happy about that. I must admit though, the OR waiting room process is much more expedient than the ER process. I don't think we were waiting more than 2 minutes in any place before being taken care of and escorted to the next location. By 8am I was in my scandalous hospital gown, lying down on my bed in my semi-private "room". Really I just had a wall of curtains, but that is more than I expected. And I had Carolyn waiting with me, so that was awesome.

By 10:30am I was strapped onto the operating table as the anesthetic percolated through my system. I awoke 5 minutes later (although I was told surgery took about an hour) in the recovery room, feeling surprisingly not nauseous! I had mentioned my previous unhappy experience with anesthetic when I had my molars removed and they were able to pump in some anti-nausea medication into my system. I can't tell you how delighted I was about that.

Before long they wheeled me back to my semi-private area. (Side note: getting wheeled around in your bed is a lot of fun. I think somebody should incorporate the activity into a video game: The Fast and the Furious - Hospital Bed Drift). Normally patients hang around for another hour or two to make sure they are stabilized after surgery, but it was during this time that I found out I'm a bleeder. My surgeon came around to check out the problem and she ended up redoing the packing in my nose (see first paragraph). Now, I'm all for sticking things up one's nose, but even I have my limits; unfortunately my surgeon has no such bounds. But I must admit it worked: the surgeon got her kicks and my bleeding reduced substantially. Shortly after 6pm I got a wheelchair ride down to the car and we went home.

The rest of the story goes like this: George preoccupies himself for 4 hours, takes his Tylenol 3 meds, and repeats. Today I finally get to take the packing out of my nose, which will be glorious but likely very bloody. I can see why they stress the need to be at home for the week following surgery. Anyway, this blog post has left me exhausted.

Set septoblasters to stun!

In roughly 24 hours, I will be going under the knife at St. Mary's hospital for a surgical procedure called 'septoplasty' - or, by my more ruthless friends, a nose job. But it's not the kind of nose job you're thinking of. It's an entirely non-cosmetic procedure (yes, I've learned to love my big schnoz) designed to straighten my nasal septum so that the nasal passages are of equal size, thus allowing me to breathe "normally". It's taken me a couple decades to realize that having a permanent cold is not normal.

The surgery is out-patient, and it should only take an hour or so. It's a relatively risk-free surgery, so I'm not worried about that, but I'm not looking forward to the excess bleeding that should subside after a few days, nor the tremendous pain that comes along with cutting out bits of your nose. I've taken the week off work to recover, although I said I would work from home for most of the week... we'll see how well that goes.

I'll let you know how surgery goes, although it will be a few weeks until I can get the splints out to find out if I can breathe better. Here's hoping.

For more information about septoplasty and how it affects you, click here!